For 23 years, I’ve always felt like it’s been my responsibility to make the first move in dating situations.
It’s not like anyone has ever formally told me this would be my responsibility either.
It’s just one of those concepts that has been instilled in me by society — whether through popular culture or other forms of media — for about as long as I can remember.
And I’m not sure why.
I feel we’re at a place right now, as humans, where gender shouldn’t affect our behavior — or, at the very least, shouldn’t restrict it.
I’m sure there are women at the bar who would love to approach a guy they’re interested in but stray away from doing so because of conventional dating standards.
At the same time, I’d love for a woman to approach me. Here’s why.
1. I’m shy, also.
It’s difficult to always be the one responsible for making any type of first move.
If I don’t make an attempt to approach you, it doesn’t always mean I’m not interested in you — it’s just that we, as men, can get shy too. And rejection isn’t always how we’d like to end the night.
It would definitely be refreshing for you to approach us once in a while, especially if you’re just sitting around hoping we’ll approach you.
At the end of the day, the first move is just that — the first of many potential moves.
We might just be too shy to make it, early on.
2. I won’t spend half the conversation wondering if I’m bothering you.
It’s difficult trying to create something out of nothing, and conversation is definitely not the exception, especially when you’re approaching a complete stranger at the bar and can’t really tell whether or not he or she is into you — or just entertaining your presence out of politeness.
And while we appreciate your efforts to conserve our egos, if your intentions aren’t on the same plane as ours, it’s really only leading us further down the rabbit hole.
For that reason, if we’re not 100 percent certain there’s chemistry, we may end up pulling the plug on our next move entirely, just to avoid bothering you.
3. I like a girl who knows what she wants.
Women who aren’t sure what they want are usually the ones who end up getting hurt, further down the road.
With that said, part of maturity is understanding what qualities to look for in another person and striving towards that.
It’s attractive to see a woman who is mature enough to act on her desires, regardless of any social “norms” that would suggest against it.
It will also lead to more successful relationships as a result of her being proactive about her own wants.
4. You don’t settle.
Nowadays, people are terrified of being single; they’ll settle for the first person who walks into their lives and shows them some attention.
Naturally, this is not a recipe for success. This is actually the fast lane to failure.
In my mind, “settling” comes from a place of insecurity. The way I see things, if you know your own self-worth, you’ll make sure you get something — or someone — you deserve.
It might take time, and it definitely requires more effort than just waiting for your number to get called — regardless of who’s calling it.
5. It’s intimidating, and I find that sexy.
If a woman ever approached me at the bar, to be quite honest, I think I’d be a bit taken aback. But not in the bad way, frankly, I think I’d be impressed.
See, a woman who makes the first move shows she can thrive on the offensive side of things, too — and that can be intimidating.
But it’s also extremely sexy — the same way Angelina Jolie maintains equal parts intimidation and sexy.
In fact, I feel like Angelina Jolie has no trouble picking up guys at the bar, or had no trouble doing so back when she was single.
And I’m all about that.